Monday, July 8, 2013

Six Months

My roommate is moving out sometime this week. I leave for a two week "vacation" next Monday. Now is a good a time as any to reflect on the past five, going on six months, in Los Angeles.

I am thousands of dollars in debt (to myself / family), looking to be more in debt as I have not found a roommate yet (nor have I tried very hard). I have booked exactly zero short films, one student project, zero student films, two plays, one PSA, one web series, zero feature films, zero television shows. I have spent over 80 hours in traffic since May and eaten at McDonald's more in the past five months than I have in the past five years.

I have been telling myself from the day I got here that I would need to be able to deal with the so-called rejection. I have read countless articles about the audition amnesia actors must have to stay sane and stay motivated to pursue work.

Five months in, I am creatively drained and demoralized. I don't blame the city or the industry. I know these are growing pains. I'm told I should be grateful that I'm going out on auditions and humble enough to work on any project, no matter the quality. And I am. I am, I am, I am. But I have my limits. I have objections against careless work.

The first few months in LA felt "too slow" and now they feel "too fast." My schedule for the past few months has been full to bursting. I am grateful for the work, but I may have bitten off more than I could chew. Unpaid or low paid work is fantastic because it's an opportunity to flex creatively, but overloading yourself with unpaid or low paid work sets you up for burning out. Financially. Creatively. Ability-to-stay-nice-ness.

I think the solution is for me to create, to generate my own work. And that's what my goal is for the next six months. To continue taking classes when I can, continue to go out for auditions and continue submitting myself, but also to prioritize generating material. Write( --anything! ) film material for my reel, do, do, DO.

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